It is coming again.
His death day.
My dad's death day.
Usually, anniversaries do not hold much importance for me, but this is different.
This day marks the before and after of my life.
December 9, 2012 my family was complete.
We were in crisis, but we were whole.
December 10, 2012 we were not, and life has never been the same again.
Not for me.
Not for my mom.
Not for my brother.
Today, I felt our baby move for the first time.
Today, I took Bubu on a walk.
I imagined my dad meeting him.
My dad adored dogs.
Every single one.
These are the things I will never get to share with him.
These are the things he will never get to experience.
Over the last four years, I have come to terms with his death.
But not a day goes by that I don't wish things had turned out different.
And some days, there is nothing I can do but feel sad.
If I was home, I would go somewhere beautiful to feel connected to him.
To the mountains.
To the forest.
To the beach.
So instead I look at some beautiful photos of home because I see my dad's soul in them.